Sunday, May 9, 2010

This is Me- Part 1

Before I start writing about where I was, I will tell you a little about where I am now. Right now I am in a good place. I am in a peaceful place. A peace that can only come from God. My life is NOT peaceful and most would not consider it good either, but I do. Because I know this life is temporary and I have hope for the future.
 My body is sick. It will never get better, the best I can hope for is for it not to get worse. Three years ago my body started to fight itself, more specifically my immune system went into overdrive and started to attack my body. I have Sjogrens and Fibromyalgia. Sjogrens has attacked my moisture producing glands and my joints. I have arthritis everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Fibromyalgia effects my muscles giving me constant pain and fatigue. My life is filled with pills, doctors appointments, blood work, tests, more pills, pain and disabling  fatigue. On a daily basis there are numerous things I cannot accomplish because of my illnesses. They have robbed me of so many things. Things I can't ever get back. Things like having to tell my boys that I can't play with them or that we can't go to a birthday party because I don't feel well. I have missed parties, sporting events, shopping trips, vacations, etc because of my health.
In the past three years I have had to slow down....way down. Pretty much stop. I have discovered who my real friends are and how much my family loves me. When you are sick and have to spend a lot of time resting, you have more time to pay attention to your heart. Not your real heart that pumps your blood, but your heart where your soul lives. My heart was missing something.....something Big.

God was using my illness to draw me back to Him. At the time I didn't even realize HOW far I had gotten from Him, but I see it now. In the years since I accepted Jesus as my Savior I had managed to set him to the side, only going to Him when I needed a favor or a request. Even though I prayed to Him daily, I know now that I was praying AT Him, not really praying to Him. I gave Him a list of my wants everyday, vaguely asked for forgiveness and then said thanks for everything He had given me. How selfish was that?!?

I can look back now and see different times when God was trying to get my attention back to Him. That is not saying that if I had listened then, that I would not be sick now. No one knows that for sure. All I know is that God uses every situation in our lives to draw us closer to Him. And for me it took a serious health problem.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

To be continued.....