Tuesday, June 1, 2010


I don't look sick.
My illnesses aren't easily seen from the outside. I like it that way. I like to hide it and pretend to be normal. Sympathy makes me uncomfortable and so does being around people who know that I'm sick. I'm not sure what bothers me more, thinking about how "inferior" I am to normal healthy people, or worrying about what they think about me. Both of those are bad. I know that but I still find myself doing it ALL the time. And now that I have been approved for disability I feel even more self-conscious of how other think of me. Are they thinking "She looks fine to me!" or "She is just fat and lazy not disabled!!". Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about most of the time.

God doesn't want me or you to worry about stuff like that. I wish I could just press a button and never feel that way but it doesn't work that way. So instead of wishing for a magic button I am doing a lot of praying to overcome this....

But he said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

God Bless! Denise


Missy said...

You really need to come to terms with this or you will not be able to heal physically or mentally. People usually do not think what we think they are thinking. (A lot of thinks) If they do have negative thoughts about your situation, they are not in the place they should be. Be the light God meant for you to be and everyone else will focus on that!

WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

Hoping you find peace and acceptance inwardly of your disability.

Rochelle said...

I totally get what you are saying here. I often find myself in the shadows between being real and hiding so I don't get pity. It's so hard. Keep pressing on and knowing his grace is all you need!! {gentle hugs}