Thursday, May 13, 2010

This is Me - Part 3

I don't have many real friends. I have plenty of friends but only a handful of true friends, friends that know me inside out and backwards. And of that handful only a few know about my illnesses. I don't like to share that part of me. To me it is embarrassing and shameful. Don't ask me why, but I can't help it. It's been like my dirty little secret that I have done everything in my power to hide. There are people who know me and see me on a regular basis that have no clue that I am sick. And I am OK with that. I don't like attention, and I really feel uncomfortable with sympathy. Weird, right? That's just me. So for God to push me to start sharing this was REALLY uncomfortable. The more I share, the more people will know. Why God? Why can't I stay in my safe place where I can't give people my vulnerable side?

It's not really my place to ask. No more than it is my place to ask God why am I sick? There are just some things we don't need to know. We WANT to know, but don't need to know. If we did then God would tell us. So right now I am doing my best to be obedient to Him, and I have shared my illnesses with a few more friends. Just yesterday I posted a link on Facebook about National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. Yeah, I put my business on FB.....and I got that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. All those people who scanned over my status yesterday and didn't give it any notice are the same people I get nervous about sharing it with.

In a perfect world I wouldn't be sick. I wouldn't take tons of medications daily and still hurt. I wouldn't care much about whether people knew the real me or not. Guess what? Someday I will be in that perfect world.....Heaven. Someday I will go meet my Heavenly Father and He will heal me and I will spend eternity with Him. That is where I get my strength to get through the days.

God Bless! Denise


Carol said...

I'm excited about your new journey with Him! I totally get the illness stuff. I am a type 1 diabetic - another invisible illness. I worry what people think sometimes. I pray God's blessing to you on this journey! :) Have a great day.

Wendyburd1 said...

My sister has Fibromyalgia, I doubt SHE knew it had a day! I have Diabetes, I have Bipolar, I have a bunch of different mental disorders, and I think people HAVE to look down on me. But how can I hide it at the same time? I have meltdowns so it is kind of hard for me to hide it. I go hypoglycemic so I start shaking and kind of fall to the ground and need help...
TRUE friends you can share it ALL with are rare so they are to be treasured, but it hard these days to hide things from the world. Especially if we want conditions to be understood more if not for ourselves than for others we love.

Mimi said...

I love this new blog. I feel the same way so oftn about my ilnesses, but hopefully our pain will be rewarded with extra blessings.

Terry said...

dear i read your sad post here and thought about it, i think that you weren't hiding a secret.
your telling it has surely helped some people who come across it that are haiving pain.
i thought of a blog friend who has what i thought was fibromyalgia, but when i just looked her up, what she has is rheumatoid arthritis.
she has been a help to many and i think that you will be too.
her blog is..
maybe you can look her up...she is an artist too!....with love, terry